Wellington Armageddon
Friday: Teen!Squalo / Koromaru
Saturday: Squirtle / Tristan Taylor
Sunday: England (CD Cover)

Doujin Overload
Saturday: Teen!Squalo
Sunday: Colonello (Street)

Auckland Armageddon
Saturday: Kaito / Baldoroy
Sunday: Chikusa / Souji
Ball: Baldoroy
Monday: Germany

Comic Fiesta
Day One: Yamamoto
Day Two: Germany

Had my first session with my psychotherapist today. It was actually quite fun and I left feeling really, really good. Then I get home and it feels like everything's gone to shit. Bron's pretty cool though. She lets me just talk and talk and talk and I'm allowed to swear my head off.

I feel like such an ass. I feel like I've done or said something without realizing it to the people that matter most. People aren't talking to me and I don't understand why. They aren't the sort of people who ignore someone without good reason. I don't even get that. The closest I got was a "Leave her alone." message - though considerably less kindly worded.

Eighteen days until I go to Japan. Just over two more weeks. I'm so anxious.

Finally got a chance to get all these photos up 8DD!

Yamamoto - Me
Gokudera - whatsyoursyne
Tsuna - Tania
Byakuran - theonesin

Can't remember who the rest were >.>

Photos from jpwise and le_grenade
( Loads of photos is loads )

Pokemon gijinka photos later

 they can go fuck themselves 8Db

I am officially FREE of them. No more internals to worry about. Not really, at least. I just need to fix up some minor bits and get photos for both my art and fabrics BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT BECAUSE I AM FUCKING FINISHED.

sososo. guess who's finally finished stressing for the year! I'll give you a hint.

IT'S NOT ME DDDDD;

Con season is over for New Zealand, having just finished this past weekend with Auckland Armageddon. I cosplayed Squirtle on Saturday, rainbattle!Yamamoto on Sunday and a closetbeatenup!Yamamoto on Monday. Was so much epic fun, despite the small-but-not-that-small issues that came up and the fact I slept most of the afternoon on both Sunday and Monday. Will get photos and a full report - or as close to one as you can get - up this weekend.


Until then, I will be stressing my ass off over my final three assessments for the school year. I have a three credit Japanese writing assessment - which can only be done in class; stupid language internals D; - an eight credit art assessment - sculpture, making a series of boards retelling the story of Little Red Riding Hood; will get photos when it's done - and a six credit fabrics assignment - making dolls of Jill and Bel from Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Guess when they're all due. This. Fucking. Friday. or-fucking-z.

School finishes up completely next Friday, and after that I'll only need to go in five more times - four more times for exams, and once more for a TDI end-of-year/farewell-the-seniors night - don't want to go at all but mum's making me go. Then, after that, I have a few weeks of boredom then I'm OFF TO JAPAN - does anyone want gifts? I might be able to hook you up with something. 8D Don't worry if you don't live in New Zealand - I know most of my friend's list doesn't - cause I'll be able to ship from Japan to some of my awesomely awesome friends (Marie, Ren, syne, this includes you <3)

I don't have a lot of photos available for pimping my cosplays just yet but here are a few of each of them so far~


( SO MUCH DERP. )

Will have photos from Pokemon and KHR photoshoots by the end of next week, hopefully. Just gotta wait on le_grenade and jpwise

Also, I want to thank everyone for all the support I've had. Roy had his funeral on Monday and Shaun and the gang camped out with him and Adrian (they were buried side by side, just like they wanted) and made smores and sent me photos. They aren't photos I'll ever share, though. I want to keep them for myself as a reminder for everything that I have. I love you guys. All of you.

 Almost finished my Squirtle top 8D Just need to add zip and hood and fix a stich up and it's done!
HAVE A PHOTO 8D

BUT BEWARE

( For pants are nonexistant behind this cut )

Wish I skipped tupaengarau today. Mr Moore made an official panuitanga about something that everyone in the school had been hamumu all day. One of our year twelves whakamomori. We had a moment's silence and i was so close to tangihanga. I gave myself a headache trying not to.


I miss you, Adrian.
I really fucking miss you.
and the one person i want to care doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me...

MAKING PROGRESS I AM 8DDD
Also sitting here with pins digging into my shoulder because I haven't taken it off yet >.>

( SQUIRTLE SQUIRT! )

I'm meant to be doing school work, considering I have three essays, an art project, a fabrics project and a shit load of math's study to do. But I just can't be fucked. 8D Don't have the fabric I need for my project anyway orz

I have all my fabric for my Squirtle cosssss 8DDD And I just need to buy shoes now >w<
Hopefully sneakers I can use for Yama as well.

For now... Have a party 8DD


rai_kai_lai's Halloween party:



( Tsubasa, I love yours in this )

 Sosososo.
I got back from Wellington today and I'm in so much pain D;

( But it's not all bad~ )

 Lessee...

In the space of an hour since getting up I have;

run out of credit on my phone
realized i only have $10 on my card
walked into three walls
worsened the ankle i almost broke when i tried to slide across the floorboards and ended up landing on the plant instead
watched the nightmares i had last night flash on the back of my eyelids 
felt like i've pissed off two of my closer friends without even speaking to them for more than five mintues
realized i'm absolutely fucking pathetic and just need to crawl in a hole and die.

fml

...i have way too much homework tonight. i shouldn't even have my internet turned on. but i need it for image searches. oh well.

let's see what my homework list was today:

JAP - ten sentences; five what i want to do/don't want to go at school; five what i want to do/don't want to do at home.
ENX - finish planning sheet for speech
TMS - glue in pictures for mood/inspiration boards - DONE (Ten pages total. wtf.)
ADS - finish entire CG section of assessment, ready to print out tomorrow; DON'T FORGET MEMORY STICK
SCP - finish writing up notes
MAT - run through parabola notes to make sure i actually understand them


Yup. I R FUCKED 8Db

"Merry, it's me. It's Pippin."
"I knew you'd find me."
"Yes."
"Are you going to leave me?"
"No, Merry. I'm going to look after you."

I IS TOO TIRED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
SO HAVE PHOTOS INSTEAD

( Behind... YOUR FACE )

It arrived yesterday and mum brought it home today. le_grenade  is full of awesome for making this for me. IT'S PERFECT.
Whitesuit!Yama.. DONE
DO AND BALL ON SATURDAY. CAN'T WAIT

two of five.
two.
my middle finger and my thumb.
they're gone.




what's happening to me?
the same old thing
the same old
the same
the...

the same fucking thing that happens every time i try to make myself happy over a friend's happiness.
i'm happy.
i'm over the moon; on top of the world.


then it starts
it's one.
straight away it's one person.



a few days later, it's the second person
it's more painful
more dramatic

it continues until finally
finally
finally
i lose the happiness.

that one person who i chose over all the others leaves me
the one who made me the happiest i've ever been before
they leave as well
and i'm alone
all alone

alone in the darkness that has eaten me up for years.






i hope it doesn't end that way this time






ren. where are you? i need you now more than ever.

._.































































ah well. i got someone to go through this shit of a life with. makes it a fuck load easier
loveyouRen.

ha!
i've never been sad.
I don't know what you're talking about 8D

When did I get so selfless?

When did it start to hurt to force myself to do something selfish, even if it made me super fucking happy in the end?

I promised Ren I wouldn't worry about you but I can't help it. Time to go drown myself in mindless repetitive tasks before I hurt someone

Gog, my soft toy dog with his one ear and seams that are pulling apart. Had him since I was born and he's still my safety net.